I found evidence of Global Government
So, the first launch experience hasn't been fixed in Alpha 45. I know that the updater will be released soon, but I still wanted to see how a simple workaround would look.
The result (102 C++ lines, Linux only): http://pastebin.com/SfamPKza
Assuming that the binaries are located in normal subdirectories just like pkg instead of being packed into ZIPs (there's no point in packing them in nested ZIPs anyway, the uncompressed binaries are not that big), it determines its location, properly launches Unvanquished, redirects its output to a log file and shows a helpful error message with a link to Unvanquished forums using Zenity if Unvanquished fails to start.
I mean, I know only hobby-level C++, and writing this didn't take much time. For Unvanquished developers who do things like embedding Google PNaCl that doesn't have any public API documentation, a workaround like this should take only about 10 minutes worth of work, a Windows version should be even easier to make using stellar Microsoft APIs.
This is it. It's undeniable. There's something out there, something that influences the minds of Unvanquished developers.
Unvanquished developers, the Global Government is influencing your minds, it's blocking your own thoughts and replacing them with approved ones!
You should not give in! Please resist!